


Let me show you all my failures

by Tchell1



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Even is a Dork even when maniac, Isak loves Even, Jonny the gorilla, M/M, Sonja is great, lovely boys in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 20:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9254732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tchell1/pseuds/Tchell1
Summary: Even had entered the first Mcdonalds he had found, demanding a Happy Meal. The employees had called the police and twenty minutes later, Even was in custody. It took him five hours after he was taken from the Mcdonalds to notice he was still grasping Jonny, the mobster son Gorilla from Sing, the latest Illumination Entertainment movie, in his hands.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea if the happy meal in Norway right now comes with the toys from Sing, but I researched it and it seems its a global trend. So... if it's not, please, pretend it is.
> 
> Translation to Russian here: https://ficbook.net/readfic/5294738

Even did not remember a lot from that night, which was supposed to have been the most amazing night of his life. The night he left Isak on a hotel suite and went out stark naked, scaring everyone and almost destroying his relationship with Isak.

 

He remembered him and Isak at the suit and he remembered making love and being so happy he could not believe that was his life. After that, there were only flashes. He remembered an uncontrolled desire to go to Mcdonalds.

 

From what Sonja told him, it had not been pretty. He had entered the first Mcdonalds he had found, demanding a Happy Meal. The employees had called the police and twenty minutes later, Even was in custody. It took him five hours after he was taken from the Mcdonalds to notice he was still grasping Jonny, the mobster son Gorilla from Sing, the latest Illumination Entertainment movie, in his hands.

 

But  when he did, staring down at the innocent looking toy, alone in his bedroom, listening to his mother crying at the room next door and his father comforting her, all he could do is cry and cry, crushing the gorilla that did not even had the decency to break.

 

___***___

 

Even texted the NAS lycris to Isak with trembling fingers and the goddamn gorilla looking back at him from his desk, making him understand he had only himself to blame for his predicament.

 

 _No one can escape a mental illness_ , he remembered his doctor telling him, _but we can keep it under control_.

 

Jonny was there to prove his doctor wrong.

 

___***___

 

Sonja tried to throw the gorilla on the trash.

 

Even took it from her hands and put it back on the desk.

 

“His name in Jonny” he told her with detached eyes, climbing back to his bed and turning to the wall.

 

Sonja had long stopped trying to understand Even.

 

___***___

 

The first time Isak went to Even’s after everything was in the open, Even had completely forgotten about Jonny.

 

They were both seated on the floor, Even with his guitar trying to impress Isak with his musical talent. Isak was not impressed. In fact, Even could see his boyfriend was controlling himself not to laugh at Even’s piteous attempts to play.

 

“Oh, my god, you should have exercised more if you wanted to convince me.” Isak said laughing when Even missed another note of **Deep Cover** from Dr. Dre. “You know, I’m not even sure this song is supposed to be played like this, anyway.”

 

Even laughed.

 

“Yeah, well, you should appreciate it more, then!! I’m making an effort!!”

 

Isak rolled his eyes.

 

“Even Jonny doesn’t like it” Isak said, pointing at the monkey on the desk, who indeed had a suspiciously judgmental look on him. Of course Isak would know who the monkey was. It was originally bought for him, anyway.

 

Even got up from the floor and went to his desk.

 

“Well, fuck him as well!” He said while turning Jonny to the other side.

 

Isak laughed more.

 

“Why do you have it, anyway? I didn’t know you collected happy meal toys”

 

Even looked back at him with a small smile on his face.

 

 “He reminds me of you:  a very cocky teenage”

 

Isak threw a pillow at Even, who could not control his laugher.

 

___***___

 

What really happened that night at the Mcdonalds, could only be told by the employees and the security tapes. Even had access to both the security takes and also the employees’ reports.

 

Even had entered the place a few minutes before it closed, completely out of himself, eyes wide and mouth very big on a manic smile. He had requested  a happy meal with a hamburger and specifically asked for Jonny the gorilla.

 

“I’m sorry, sir” The cashier had told him, very politely and very scared “But you cannot be here without you clothes on.”

 

Even had laughed at her, carefree and full of himself.

 

“No, no, it’s ok, I know that.” He had whispered to her and on the tapes, when Even saw the hole incident before his eyes, he could see her eyes  widening in fright when he got closer to her “You see, I have the most beautiful man on a suite nearby and he would love to have Jonny the gorilla, toy.” He had opened his arms in a display of innocence and continued whispering as if telling the lady a secret “My boyfriend is dealing with some parents issues right now, just like Jonny.” He had continued with a happy, if demented, smile. “He really liked him on the movie. I want to surprise him.”

 

On the tapes, Even saw the cashier blink and blink again.

 

“Oh.” The lady had said “Right, sorry, right. I’ll get your happy meal right away.” She, then, had left the counter.

 

Even knew that was when the call to the police had been made, the lady had a frantic voice and a lot of urgency.

 

When she had come back to the front, she pretended to put together Even’s order, while Even had alternated between whistling and telling the cashier about Isak and how in love he was.

 

“I’m bipolar, you know.” He had told her while wandering around the tables “I mean, Isak doesn’t know. I’m scared of telling him, because he might not want to be with me, but I mean, It’s going to be fine, right? If you love someone, you have to accept the person, right?” he had continued talking “Well, the other option is to lose him forever, which thinking about it, would be a roundabout way of having him forever as well.” He had looked at the cashier and she was staring back at him. “I really don’t want to lose him, though.”

 

“Humm” the cashier had said back “Hummm… do you happen to have this Isak’s number?”

 

Even had smiled widely back to her, so happy she had wanted to know more about Isak.

 

“Why, of course! I’m going to marry him, one day, you know?” and just when hehad  opened his mouth to dictate Isak’s number, the police had arrived, taking Even with them and comforting a traumatized cashier.

 

Even had no idea why, but for some reason, after enduring more than half a hour with Even in the middle of a manic  episode and being completely scared, the cashier still appeared beside him, putting on his hands Jonny, the mobster son Gorilla from Sing, the latest Illumination Entertainment movie.

 

“For your Isak, if he really exists” she had told him.

 

Even had spend a hour at the police, completely out of himself, desperately clutching the plastic toy, riding the end of his mania and already realizing he had done a terrible thing. Before he could control himself, his eyes had filled with tears and, in between one sob and another, he gave the police officers Sonja’s number. By that time, he was certain Isak would have never ever wanted to see him again. He had only himself to blame.

 

___***___

 

Jonny stayed at Even’s desk for three more of Isak’s visits. On the fourth visit, Isak said:

 

“You know I always had a soft spot for that gorilla?”

 

Even smiled softly.

 

“You can have it.” Even said, taking the toy and giving it to Isak. He congratulated himself on pretending the damned monkey had never been bought because of Isak on the first place.

 

___***___

 

On that week when everything was perfect, before Even fucked it up by having a manic episode on their booked suite, they had watched Sing because Even would not stop talking about it. He talked about how awesome it was that there was an animal singing competition, how charming and colorful the movie would be, how predictable the plot would probably become. He went on and on and Isak could only handle so much.

 

So, both of them went to see Sing. The deepness of Even’s dorkness  was infinite, Isak had told him. Even was actually excited about it.

 

Isak came out of the theater completely charmed by Jonny, the gorilla and Even had made a mental note to get him a happy meal one just for the laughs. And also, because Even as a sap at heart.

 

____***____

 

Jonny had been living on Isak’s room for almost a month. Even had already forgotten all the drama created by his completely unbalanced brain that could not distinguish a good idea from a terrible idea from a lame idea, when he received a text message from Sonja.

 

 **So, hey. I might have said something to Isak I shouldn’t have.** The message said. Immediately Even started panicking because that was his default reaction. Even had done terrible and dangerous things when in episodes and he definitely learned to expect the worse when people told him that.

 

He called Sonja.

 

“What did you do?” he asked her as soon as she picked up.

 

“In my defense, I didn’t know Isak didn’t know.” She said instead of answering him, which only made Even more anxious.

 

Even took two deep breaths.

 

“Please, Sonja, just… just tell me, come on.” He asked in a small voice.

 

“I told him you had gotten that terrible Gorilla for him the night you were manic.” She said very quickly, as if ripping a bandage.

 

Even blinked.

 

“What?” he whispered “Why would you tell him that?”

 

He heard Sonja breath on the other side.

 

“I didn’t know he didn’t know, Even.” she repeated “ We were chatting and he send me a picture of his desk and the monkey was there and I mentioned I still couldn’t believe you had actually gone and gotten the monkey! And he seemed really confused and I told him. I’m sorry”

 

Even felt his fingers shaking. Sonja was still talking and apologizing and all he could think was that Isak now knew about another of Even’s insane behavior and ask himself how much longer Isak would actually endure him.

 

“Why…. Why are you still talking to him, anyway?” Even heard himself ask Sonja “I mean, haven’t you done enough??” he asked frustrated.

 

The terrible part of it was that Sonja was always so nice and accommodating with him. And he kept hurting and hurting her. Like now, for example: Sonja was not to blame. Sonja was never to blame for Even’s insanity, but she was always so kind.

 

“That is so unfair, Even.” Sonja told him with enough sadness on her voice that all Even could do was cry. “You know me and Isak talk. He never hid it from you and neither have I.” and god, wasn’t it a stab on his heart having Sonja be that calm and gentle to him when she was suffering.

 

 _Take deep breaths, Even. Get a hold of yourself_. He told himself and tried to control his anxiety.

 

Even pressed his fingers to his eyes, trying to contain the tears, breathing deeply and slowly. Sonja waited on the other side.

 

“Right, sorry, right. I mean, I shouldn’t have said that to you.” He said when he was calm. He closed his eyes “It’s just that… Jesus, when will I stop fucking everything up in my life?” he asked her wetly.

 

Sonja sighed.

 

“Oh, Even, that’s not true.”

 

Even laughed bitterly.

 

“It’s not? What do you call what happened to us? Because I call that me fucking you up.”

 

Sonja was silent for a while. Even was still breathing deeply and still asking himself why he even bothered.

 

“You know it takes two people to destroy a relationship, right?” Sonja asked him “Like, you can tell yourself whatever you want, but the truth is that I was as responsible for it not working out as you.” She continued “And frankly, it’s a bit insulting you think I did nothing but watch while you destroyed us. That’s not how it works, Even. You and I? We had three amazing years. It was good. It was enough. Things just… this is just life, love.”

 

Even blinked, letting Sonja’s word wash over him. Not for the first time, Even wondered how he had managed to keep Sonja in his life. Listening to her sweet voice, filled with sadness and resolution, he still though himself a lucky man.

 

“You know I loved you, right?” he asked her instead of replying to anything she said.

 

Sonja gave him a soft laugh.

 

“Go talk to your boy, Romeo.” She told him “Just… I’m really really sorry.” she said again in a soft voice.

 

Even sighed.

 

“I know.” He answered “Wish me luck?”

 

“Always.”

 

___***____

 

Isak appeared at Even’s fifteen minutes after Even had disconnected the call with Sonja. He had the damned toy in his hands. Of course he had. The way Isak was clutching it reminded Even of himself when he had first acquired it.

 

“Can I come in?” Isak asked on the front door, his voice was soft and hesitant.

 

Even looked down and stepped aside so Isak could come in.

 

“You can always come in, Isak.” Even answered in a tired voice “You know that.”

 

Isak gave him a small smile and followed Even to his bedroom.

 

“I didn’t know if you wanted to see me.”  Isak said as way of explaining himself.

 

Even managed to reciprocate Isak’s smile, even if his was not genuine and pointed at the plastic toy.

 

“You came to give it back?” Even asked sadly.

 

Isak looked down and then back at Even.

 

“Ah, no.  Actually, no. I came to talk.” He got closer to Even, putting a hand through Even’s hair “This guy here is mine, you gave him to me” Isak kissed Even’s cheek very gently. “Do you want it back?”

 

Even sighed.

 

“What I wanted was for you to never have heard about me harassing the Mcdonald’s employees.”

 

Isak laughed quietly, still so very close to Even.

 

“Yeah, well. I’d have wanted you to not have gone naked outside as well.” Isak said easily completely comfortable.

 

Even closed his eyes and raised his hands until they found Isak’s face and hair.

 

“I’m sorry I keep screwing it up.” Even whispered still without opening his eyes.

 

Isak kissed his lips.

 

“I don’t see you screwing anything up.” Isak said very confidently.

 

Even moved away from Isak.

 

“Yeah, that- that’s not true.” Even said seating on the couch beneath his bed.

 

Isak sighed.

 

“Love, it is true. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Isak said seating down besides Even “How many months have this episode been? Like, seriously, if anything, it’s kind of flattering you were thinking of getting me a gift in the middle of your mania.” Isak said trying to lighten the mood.

 

Even looked at him surprised. There was no way Isak did not know.

 

“Isak, all I could think about was you.” Even said in a soft voice and very slowly “Like , I think about you all the time. The mania had just exacerbated it.” Even shook his head “When I’m maniac, everything takes pharaonic proportions. This idea that was supposed to have been tacky and cute, suddenly become huge and so terrible.” Even finished looking downcast.

 

Isak was silent for a while. Even could not help raising his head back at him. Isak was studying Even, he had a small frown on his face. For a moment, Even asked himself if this was finally the last drop that would make Isak leave.

 

“Please say something.” Even finally asked.

 

Isak blinked.

 

“I… sorry” Isak said “Is it bad of me if I’m actually happy you think about me?”Isak asked, surprising Even.

 

Even could not help rolling his eyes. Isak could be so oblivious.

 

“Do we have to have the whole ‘I saw you on the first day of school’ conversation again?” Even asked playfully.

 

Isak laughed freely, pushing Even back into the couch and moving over him.

 

“I’m keeping Jonny” Isak said between kisses “he is mine, you can’t have him back”

 

Even grabbed Isak’s head and lowered him into his mouth.

 

“Man of my life.” Even whispered into Isak lips.

 

___***___

 

Jonny went back to Isak’s desk.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was written based on a hc on tumblr by isaks-even:  
> what if before even was picked up by the police he actually went a mcdonald’s and asked for a happy meal bc he was so happy and when sonja found him at he station he was desperately clutching some toy/plushie he wanted to give to isak. imagine isak finding out about this later and asking even for the toy and keeping it on his bedside table as a reminder that even while manic even was thinking of him
> 
> http://isaks-even.tumblr.com/post/155536806257/what-if-before-even-was-picked-up-by-the-police-he


End file.
